1/31/13 3rd week at work

Having numbness n tingly on left arm today. Haven't felt this is a long time. Nurse said my MUGA scan Monday turned out a little lower than 3 months ago but in an ok zone to enjoy today's herceptin treatment. (Waiting for it now) no fever today but still having trouble breathing, coughing. Haven't had lunch yet but not that hungry. In a funk today. Glad I have work to keep me busy. Going to get my night time compression sleeve after work today. Looks like a big ole oven mitt. How am I going to sleep with that!! So sexy looking too. Not!
My biopsy on my uterus was normal! Getting perm cap from root canal treatment on Tuesday. I forgot when my pelvic ultrasound is.
Treatment time!!!

1/13/13

My first week back at work wasn't too bad. Hard to moan n groan and be in arm pain at work when I have friends, supervisors and execs rooting for my recovery. Realize I need to use the squeeze ball more, bring some 1lb weights in to help with the lymphedema swelling. Working 2 days at home was such a big help. Wasn't in a hurry to adjust my breastesess, all day, or put on my compression sleeve.
All weekend I've been dealing with old tooth infection coming back. 800 ibuprofen has been good. Hope to see dentist Tuesday.

Happy new year-1/1/13

Been worn out the past week. Family and friends and myself being sick. It was only a cold but it sure traveled fast. Just rested the past 4 days. Which has been a blessing to rest my weary thoughts as well. I've been Pondering what strengths i have been given this past year. Close friends have been golden to me. I feel those prayers, i do. Listening to other peoples stories of their troubles has helped me a little to think life's not a pity party. I don't need to bring or mean to bring anyone down with me. Sometimes or a lot of times no one understands or is really listening to what I've gone through or what I'm going through. Im becoming my own advocate by listening to others better because most times we interrupt or change the subject on someone and we don't even realize we do it. Makes me want to scream because we are not being the friends we should be. I need to be better as well. I would like to continue counseling as I feel I haven't had time to grieve or get angry. I'm just healing the wounds on the outside! And pretty darn proud of my pain thresh hold if I do say so myself. Need to do or say what's best for me and not care to much about what people think. I've been weak far too long emotionally and I need to not let people walk all over me. Love me unconditionally, with compassion and humor or quit wasting valuable time. I'm on my 2nd chance at life. Join me! Therapist will be proud.

12/29/12

Had the PET scan on Thursday. 30 mins marinating with glucose radiation n 30 mins with my arms held up in the I'm going to jump off the skydive position. Last 3 mins were excruciating n they finally got me out!! Just awaiting results. Monday possibly. I will be so grateful when they call me n tell me, ALL CLEAR. Had a good Christmas. Not long enough in san Diego. I was still coughing but no fever so we went down anyways. Just today I'm feeling much better. May better days lie ahead for all.

12/21/12

Little cough didn't hold me back from spending all day with Linda Linda. She spoiled me by taking me to breakfast, mani n eyebrow wax. Then off to santas village, at her house, so we can have a wrap party. Ribbons and bows were scurried about must've been the spiked egg nog. I wanted more but my little bed was calling me for a visit. Thank you Linda for making me feel like a queen. With NyQuil in belly, I bid all that reads this health and hugs. Night.

12/15/12 my gift of friendship

Was gently wrapped all warm and snug in a cozy place I call MY home. What a gift daniel and I gave ourselves by opening our door to anyone who had time to come by. When Linda and I planned this, I didn't know how I was going to feel but I didn't care. I'm done with chemo. I'm recuperating from my daily 5 week tanning session. I wanted to celebrate. My feet were hurting and knee was swollen but we had a great time with the 15 people that drove through the cold and the rain to eat, drink, karaoke and be merry. We sang fun Christmas songs with and without the mic. Great time. Thank you Linda Linda for the great crab dip, yummy crackers, fantastic home made sweet treats. She found Daniels sweet spot. Love my good days!!!

12/10/12- pix of radiation scar-beware

Dont look at photo below if you cant handle my battle scars. I do need more of that cream. It's awesome!
I Hate crawling in and out of my low 2000 Honda civic. Since i didnt get a raise, i cant get a new car. New goals. Bathroom remodel first. Its been Very painful to bend when my radiation blisters n sunburns r very close and on my mastectomy scar. I'm grateful for the extra time I have to get ready to go somewhere. Socks n shoes r a chore. Putting on camisole and compression sleeve take time. Wait til I go back to work. Put on the prosthetic bra, little make up. Forget the wig n having to do my hair!!! The other stuff will be more important. I need to be comfortable for 10 hours. January 7th is my back to work date with no restrictions. Which arm pillow should i bring hmmm. Pierre jouet, oj and croissants at my desk please. Looking forward to ongoing healing.

12/6/12 LAST DAY of burning my bacon!!!

Daniel woke up this morning telling me they I've done great! I'm like, all I did was make a pot of coffee but thanks. He saw the bewildered smile and expression on my plump cheeks and said, with your treatments!! He got the biggest hug. How stupid of me not to remember that he went through this with me. He's my shining light. Hard to get down on myself and have a pity party, party of one, when daniel will never walk!! There are worse things to worry about. I can always get another breastesses. Daniel will never get the use of his legs. Except to kick my ass when I'm in that bad place.
9:30am, I head to Linda Linda's to pick her up to head on down to OAK town for my last appointment. She hands me oatmeal cranberry cookies for breakfast and I did not hesitate to gobble gobble.
Was on time for treatment. 30 seconds into treatment, machine stops. They have to reboot computer. Anxiety sets in. Not again! 30 mins later I was gone n got my hugs and a certificate of completion. Went to Nicks in san Leandro for breakfast at noon. Enjoyed watching Linda work from home lol and we caught up and shared stories, sparkling cider, chocolate and a few tears. Thank u sissy for a great day and I will always need u because we all are healing together.

12/2/12

I'm peeling in 2 areas of my chestesess. Right at my scar tissue!! Hard to make right turns without the blister wanting to open. Radiation has been rough. Now that skin is tighter, it's harder to be a scared little kitten n keep her paws up high in the sky. Well that's my visual anyways. It looks so much better n cuter when u see a kitty on its back n put paws up.
Daniel gave me an awesome arm and foot massage tonight. I cheered him on to move deeper into my arm to thrust those lymph nodes through. Amazing how it doesn't feel as heavy in my tricep after he does it. I just hate it when it hits my body/peeling sunburn. Wish I could get a rub down every day.
Luv that man of mine.

11/28/12

If u can avoid people at all cost when u don't feel good, do it. When u know u can be in a toxic, menopausal state and chocolate donuts don't help, avoid people and speaking. For the past 2 days I felt like that and there was no warning.

11/25/12

Burn baby burn! Put miaderm on almost every 2 hrs today. Good times, Friday Linda,Carrie and I put up the below lawn ornaments. Made me so happy. Even daniel liked it. Thought he'd give me one of those, "oh lawd" looks but he says they r cute.
My sissy sent me a radiation care package n some cookies to share with shirley. Had dinner with Shirley kins to give her cookies n some of radiation care package since I already had items from my Linda Linda.
I hope I sleep good tonight. 3 more days of penicillin. 8 more days of radiation.

11/20/12

Had a little scare tonight. Around 940pm im reaching for the carrots from laying down on the couch. I felt a sharp pain at my rib cage. I went to grab my phantom boob to lift her up n touch my rib cage.
Painful that I had the pain as well as a painful reminder that she's not there anymore. I'm ok, think I just strained it a bit. No heat or swelling. Ok we've been watching too much greys anatomy.
I'm on penicillin for 7 days. Dentist said my dead tooth from last years root canal might be problem. As for now I'm taking 100 mg of aspirin few times a day, 500 mg penicillin, thyroid and magnesium, ambien at night. I love getting old.
My friend Linda is so sweet. She calls me yesterday asking if it's laundry day. I told her in my biggest hug voice that I was
getting a lymphatic massage after my 12 minute tanning session. But the massage didn't happen;( little did i know they were 1 hour behind due to a newbie. She kept moving. I was new once so I remained patient then we all applauded her for her good attitude on her first day of her 6 week treatment. Group therapy tomorrow.

Daniel gave me a great massage tonight after he put aloe on my chest and below my arm pit. He's very patient with me as he's eager to help me n not hurt me.

11/17/12

1st cancer now Hostess going bankrupt!!!! Oh lawd. It's a sign. Don't have the Hostess treats, won't get cancer. One less thing to worry about.
On a more serious note, I'm popping aspirin every 4 hrs. My tooth or my nerves in the back by the already pulled wisdom tooth when I was 16, is killing me!! I have an 11am dentist appt on Monday. I saw him last week n he said X-rays r fine n I should brush n floss aggressively.
Had a great time on Friday having crepes
And getting Mano/pedi with Shirley. I'm so glad she n I have good days that we can share

11/12/12

8th day of radiation. 40 min drive to Oakland every day 1 way, for a 15 minute procedure. Some pain today. Felt stronger than the other times. Skin feels stretchy more. I've put the aloe Vera on it every day but it doesn't take away the skin/chest walls getting tighter. Hurt a bit as I sneezed but took it like a champ. I'm having trouble still sleeping n getting comfortable as I have to elevate my arm above my heart especially when I sleep. I toss n turn n hope my arm doesn't fall asleep when I lay on my side.
I still have gum/nerve pain n dr said floss more. I asked my oncologist for a pet scan, it's my right to have one. Eager to hear his response to my email.
All in all, I'm ready for Xmas. Craving some homemade stuffing n gravy now!!

11/7/12

Lymphedema!!! My lymphedema PT didn't diagnose me but she's going to discuss me with my oncologist to put on paper another diagnosis. I didn't expect it so soon. Knew it might happen. I could've prevented it a bit better by wearing my compression sleeve more. Just a bit sad tonight wanting carbs. My armpits don't like the aluminum free deoderant toms of main. Allergic pits not fun. I have to electric shave my pits soon since hair is growing back. Sooo bummed. I enjoyed not having to worry about those things.
On a less depressing My eyebrows are coming back but my lower eye lashes are still yet to be seen. Oh well. Hair on my big ole head is growing nicely, Grey!!! but coming back none the less.

11/2/12

Rested all day!! Was 30 mins early to my radiation appointment. 20 mins later I was done and excited. Scared for a moment when the machine was rotating and hit my arm. He said, oh normally we get in before it rotates back. He said it twice like it was something that always happened. Don't think he said sorry but he was nice n professional!!! Day 2 n the only side effects today are minor skin redness n mild burn.

11/1/12

Radiation went fine. Appointment was for 11am. I picked up linda at 10. I fixed her connectivity problem and we made it to oakland in time. They were running 25 mins behind. I had 2 sips of the coffee they gave me and then they were ready for me. I wasn't nervous until they took down my gown, 2 guys I just met by the way, and put my arms in stirrups. They started marking my chest with blue dashes so they can line me up for radiation. Procedure was only 12 mins. I barely felt it. Only
Mild burn/tingle after but procedure was good. Hella tired 2 hrs after procedure. We ate linch, i took linda home n took a nap. I get to go 4:15 every day for 5 weeks. Yay me.

10/30/12

Woke up sore, tight and a bit swollen in my hands. Took a water pill n helped a bit. Even though I had my favorite massage last night, my left arm seems to have more fluid built up. Was running errands with daniel All day andy feet were killing me. I was rubbing my arm as often as I can. Finally had to take an ambien and ibuprofen to go to sleep. Going to rest n put my feet up for Halloween.

10/28/12

Congrats SF Giants. World series champs.
Went to gym yesterday with daniel. I'm pretty swollen and sore with my quads, and right forearm. My right leg was tingling today. Starting Scaryation on Tuesday, 5 days a week, for 15 mins a day. Side effects are sunburn and tiredness. All I know. Big part of possible side effect is heart failure. Need all prayers n good thoughts. Gotta figure which outfits to wear this week.

10/24/12

Having a good day so far. Linda did some massaging yesterday and Daniel rubbed my lymphatics around last night really good. I have so much fluid built up n it's hard to reach in certain places. Had a great 2 hr lunch with Erica. Hadn't caught up with her in 25 yrs. saw her at the 10th but lost touch.
I'm chilling now without my cap at Starbucks. Literally chilly but my hat was slipping n I feel good. So pix are below.