MR aye ya yae!

It's done! Surgeon should know results in few days. That machine is so freaking loud. My heart was racing not because of nerves but it was beating to the freaking beats of sounds of wrenches hitting inside of a tank!! Can't believe Alison sat in the room with me n witnessed all those sounds. She said I was a trooper n laid so still the whole time. She was right. The thing that hurt the most was the time the nurse n the person administering the MRI hit the iv.
Breathing was a luxury in that thing. It was hard enough taking a deep breath for me but to barely breathe, be still, not be anxious n have an asthma attack, they were asking alot! I made it fine n was ready for some wine n chocolate. Thanks diana n Alison for a great treat. Dinner drinks food were great. Company was top notch. It's Christmas every day, life is a gift!!!

4/9/12

It's just a breast MRI, why am I so nervous?! Stomach is in knots. Need to keep busy until Alison gets here to take me.

Cake pops photo mmmm

4/6/12

Blogging about a great day! Sissy has been with me for a week n is leaving back to temecula tonight. We had a good time eating n baking n karaoking, and...today the left one was being a bit sensitive!! Now I can feel my ouwie more predominantly than before. Sleeping on my tummy didn't help either. Took a walk with sissy before lunch to do some sf Giants shopping. The left one was wiggling/bouncing around n it hurt!! No more exercise for YOU!! Nah I like walking. We walked back to the office to grab lunch with Shirley but to my surprise there was a potluck in my honor!! All my favorites like chips n guac, hawaiian bbq, lasagna, veggies, steamed pork bun, brownie. They really know me. was kind of embarrassed at first but these were my friends that know of my condition n wanted to have a going away bobby party!! I got needed gifts of safeway grocery gift cards, itunes gift cards, zip up nighty n slippers. n can't wait to read the cards while I'm in recovery. I gave a little speech and opened up a bit about how I'm feeling and my schedule. I'm so blessed!! Bake sale went good for the amount of folks that were in the office. After expenses think we raised about $300 for susan g. Komen foundation. Cheers to a great day.

4/3/12

How can the dr say my pain is supposed to be insensate!! Felt like I was having a mammo a few times today and the itching nipple is a pain. 2 more weeks until, u know, wait for it...mastectomeeee. I'm eager to get better but now afraid of going under. I made myself this weight and it didn't help me any by inviting cancer in. I'm renigging the invite and screaming for it to leave. I hope n pray that everyone get regular mammies because u never freaking know if it's u that's going to be stuck with this challenge/battle. God bless. It only takes 10 mins a year to ensure a lifetime of being cancer free.

4/2/12

How come I can't hang onto the one that's not sick!! She's mine and she's all I'll have left. I understand what a few folks are saying but I'm just getting used to loosing a sick one to be selfish by removing both of them at once. 1 more week until the breast MRI to ensure it hasn't spread. I love my coworkers but I wish I had more pto time to take next off all next week but it'll help me more by taking a few half days off. Ready for better days ahead. And yes I understand my cancer is not rare but it's cancer none the less. Scary shit! I'm ready for the battle, I think. I feel the love in my corner though!!!

3/31/12

Angela woke us up at 9:45am with a chipper "good morning time to get up." I'm like what? Opened my eyes n she made us breakfast in bed!! Coffee n juice to boot. Boy I should open eyes first then open my mouth. Was so sweet n thoughtful. We all had a great time in my bedroom enjoying breakfast n conversation. Then came shower time then shopping. Angela showered first. Daniel n I laid back in bed for a stolen moment and had a few smooches. I gently led his hand on the injured breast to enjoy it a few more weeks. I began to cry. It was such a profound moment I had with him. No words needed to be said. I just wanted those big shoulders to cry upon. My emotions were all over the place and daniel didn't question me, he let me go. He gently squeezed me closer, stroking my hair n saying, oh honey it's going to be ok. A little while later, I wiped my boogies on his shirt n had some coffee like nothing happened. Angela n I ventured to Pleasanton mall for some much needed shopping n eating therapy. Was a great day. 17 more days to go for surgery.