4/28/12

House full of friends was what the dr ordered. Shirley came over n brought churches chick for lunch! We walked to the corner n back. More than 9 houses. I made a small goal. I stopped a few times to catch my breath n rest by bouncing phantom boob. Roseanne came n hour later n brought Nations pies, jelly beans n m&ms! So thoughtful. Good visit. During that time Dina Miguel n classy came over. She stopped the ice cream man n we all got an afternoon treat before my walk. Miguel started our laundry adjusted the flowers. Linda came at 6. Daniel made appetizers n we visited. Linda made us dinner!!! My favs of salmon cauliflower asparagus n potatoes, wine, dessert. Was so delicious n sweet of her. Then she asked if I was ready for another treat. She broke out pink socks n lotion n said she's ready to massage my feet!!! R u serious. Who does that?!! Linda, luv ya lots. What an evening!!!

4/27/12

Took Jen to the airport at 10:30am and gave her a greatful send off. Daniel n I went to nicks in san leandro for breakfast with my arm pillow in tow. Didnt care how ridonculous I looked with it there but need to keep it slightly elevated an away from my bod. Keeps the pain away a bit. Hate that numbness n harness that close to me. Daniel went to gym n I walked to pet store to look at kitties n parakeets. I had a ball playing with caged kitties. I felt good still n we caught a movie, 5 yr engagement. Was good. Uncle tri invited us to pho at his house. Oh yeah!!! Took a nap after dinner n went home. Good day n only took 2 800 mg of Motrin

4/26/12

Had a late start in the day. Took a nap then took my first shower! Slowly I disrobed and looked to hide from every mirror in bedroom n bathroom. Got towel n luffa n began what i feared the most, me touching my owie. I gently put the water onto my head trying yo miss my breast completely. I felt fine but terrified none the less. Hair was first, oh yeah. No more oilies. The under arm on right side was hard to do with one hand. Hard to lift up the left arm due to hella soreness n I couldn't feel if I was washing the poor pit because it's still numb. I turned the water off and had a moment of silence. I cleaned the right one and I didn't want to wet the left one as i still have tape over the stitches that I'm scared to reveal to my eyes/my heart. I briefly washed beneath the area, she'd a light tear n finished. Took forever but I gently grabbed a towel n dried myself. I moved the medicine cabinet mirror open so I only see the inside. A few habitual times, I wanted to close it do I can brush my teeth n get ready n I opened it again as I did not want to see myself. I'm not ready. Hubby is awesome and is not weirded out. It's only temporary, he says as he quoted Emer. So I put on real pants, a real blouse and make up to go to Cvs, Starbucks, Macy's, then to dinner with Jen. We had great meals, good laughs n conversation. It was my 4th wedding anniversary n hubby came home at 9pm. He brought whoppers from burger king. I told him I had yummy leftovers for him. He said, babe we had these on our wedding night!!! I was such an ass. We split one as he ate leftovers as well. What a great day!!!

4/26/12

Had a nice FaceTime chat with sissy last night. She's much stronger than I. She didn't hesitate to want to see my owie. Daniel n I showed her n she was so kind n just said wow. I told her I haven't looked. She was surprised but not that much. I'm just dealing with physical pain n not that in tune with emotional pain. I'm eager to take my first shower since surgery but I'm scared.

4/25/12

Celebrated our anniversary a day early. Having Mexican food now. So full now, getting tired. Stages to be known next tues with oncologist. he's glad that we did full mastectomy since it was spreading in 3 areas. 1 cancerous lymp node out of 15!!!! Grabbing food now, I feel good. Chat later. Thanks for being there whoever is reading this. My cell is 5107317022 if ya wanna chat or text. Nap time

4/24/12

Had a good day. Got off couch by myself, Jen washed my hair so good, one of my bosses, Jon walheim, drove from SF to bring us some curry n chic pot pie. So thoughtful of he and erin. Nice visit. Jen and I almost walked to the corner. I need to pace myself to not get too excited n not do too much

4/23/12

Ugh my surgeon. I returned a call from sdi office and they asked same crap on application, last day worked, surgery date. Then they said, oh ok we have that, we r missing dr medical procedure codes. I paused. He paused. I said, do u want me to give u his number? He said no we have it. What a wasted phone call!!!
Feel pretty good today. Taking all my meds. Had/have a few blisters from bed n sitting down. Drainage tubes are good, dr going to remove them weds. Should've done it today cuz not draining as much as they were, only 20cc 12 hrs. Managing pain better. Realizing when to take Vicodin or ibuprofen. I need to not try n do stuff with left hand n not push this recovery thing I hear so much. My meds don't make me as sleepy as I thought. Wish they did. Going to ask doc. Jen made an awesome chicken n veggy fritatta for lunch. With her help too, its getting better to get out of bed and off couch. Shes So thoughtful and helpful to help with the cooking since its a little hard for daniel to cook but he does separately of course, mean pasta, curry, dishes. He gave me the nicest sponge bath. We had a good time giggling. He asked me today if I wanted another. Awwwww
I was trying to nap earlier while he was doing dishes n straightening things up n getting ready to cook pasta n in he comes strolling in bedroom. He quietly says sorry my hands r full n plops down, milk, peanut butter banana Sammy, baked chips n 1 piece of almond royale. He was so happy to
give it to me as I was to receive
it. Looking forward to Dina her mom cookie n Linda tonight.

4/22/12

2 Nd movement since surgery!!! Yay freedom. Had to blog that shit!! Big lol. Had a great breakfast. Jen made healthy omlet turkey bacon n peanut butter n toast. Nummy hazelnut Hawaiian coffee sponsored by Shirley. Was admiring flowers given by loretta, and some by tina, Laura n chris. Appreciating life more since I'm alive to enjoy them. Also going to read cards later after walking n sponge bath. I'm ready to read them. Daniel n Jen changed my bandages last night n I'm proud they weren't weirded out by it. I'm not ready at all. I had a few pity parties yesterday but hard to break down when u have strong happy people around. Can't type long hand gets numb.

1st day home

Seemed like I was pushed out n over stayed my welcome. I walked twice yesterday, had my first bowel movement since surgery n they said that dr said again I could leave when I'm ready!! I said fine, after dinner discharge me. The care was good, have some giggles to share when I have more energy. Stress hurts so can't type fast enough on iPhone got home around 630pm

4/20

Finally had hair bod washed

4/20

Finally had hair bod washed

Day 2 in hospital

Finally got good rest hard to text lots of pain

Surgery night

I'm alive. Hella pain. More on Friday luv yall

Surgery dayyyyy!!!

Had a good day yesterday. No nap but good. Lori, my bff, came down from Santa rosa to chill m comfort me the next few days. Went to bed around midnight. I'm up n specially soaped up n rarring to go. Feel free to email me at letlvin@yahoo.com I'll check it as soon as able. God bless us everyone!!!!

Awesome Friday the 13

I'm good!!! Get to keep other boob!! MRI didn't show spreading! X-ray, bloodwork came out good. Thanks for the prayers!! Keep em coming. Going to eat a big steak n chips n guacamole at sizzler

4/15/12

How can i be sad when I have such a good friend. She had me up early on a Sunday for breakfast!! Delish thank u very much. 10am mani pedi- thank u very much! Avenue for some retail therapy, thank u very much. Did someone say lunch at 2, thank u very much. Was pooped by that pizzukki!!!!
Muah shirley-kins. Took a nap n watched hockey game with a hell of a Canadian, Linda. Nice way to spend a Sunday with the ones ya luv. 1 more night to sleep on my left side or my belly!!!

4/14/12

Had a great day with Alison, diana n Tom. Good wine great weather, good food. Awesome company. Sharing great stories. We all gotta stick together with our dramas so that they can turn into better times. Gotta live through the bad to know better times are a coming. What a blessing.

4/13/12

Surgery time is 8am on Tuesday!!! He's in for an awakening, I'm not a morning person hope surgeon is! Have to be there at 6am, with no coffee!!!! When I'm able I'll be ready for my venti soy raspberry white mocha!! Happy friday

4/11/12

Had a great day! From the moment i said good morning to one of my little Angels, Linda and until i clocked out at 1. Had some in n out guilty pleasure today with a neopolitan shake!! Did some retail therapy at lane Bryant. Went to work to see some friends n catch up. Thanks u guys for the Merry maids!! (maia, jason, steph n yvonne). Then off to have MEAT at Espetus Brazilian food in sf with Shirley n Bruce. Thanks boss for the laughs n catching up. Well needed!
Want to thank Brenda for the oil n the prayer we had in the office. I was so consumed with the holy spirit. I was immediately in tears when she held my hands, spoke and prayed in HIS name.
That experience was so special to me.

4/11/12

Working from home this week and Taking a few hours off a day has been helpful. Unwind and reflect. Went to kaiser yesterday to do my pre-op tests. EKG, X-ray and bloodwork. Did all but bloodwork. Surgeon forgot to order that one. But did bloodwork for thyroid test n i am in the normal range after 2 months on meds. Yay me.
Eager to hopefully get MRI results today. I can't wait until Fridays consult.
I'm hoping n praying that the results say there's no more cancer. We saw nothing!"

MR aye ya yae!

It's done! Surgeon should know results in few days. That machine is so freaking loud. My heart was racing not because of nerves but it was beating to the freaking beats of sounds of wrenches hitting inside of a tank!! Can't believe Alison sat in the room with me n witnessed all those sounds. She said I was a trooper n laid so still the whole time. She was right. The thing that hurt the most was the time the nurse n the person administering the MRI hit the iv.
Breathing was a luxury in that thing. It was hard enough taking a deep breath for me but to barely breathe, be still, not be anxious n have an asthma attack, they were asking alot! I made it fine n was ready for some wine n chocolate. Thanks diana n Alison for a great treat. Dinner drinks food were great. Company was top notch. It's Christmas every day, life is a gift!!!

4/9/12

It's just a breast MRI, why am I so nervous?! Stomach is in knots. Need to keep busy until Alison gets here to take me.

Cake pops photo mmmm

4/6/12

Blogging about a great day! Sissy has been with me for a week n is leaving back to temecula tonight. We had a good time eating n baking n karaoking, and...today the left one was being a bit sensitive!! Now I can feel my ouwie more predominantly than before. Sleeping on my tummy didn't help either. Took a walk with sissy before lunch to do some sf Giants shopping. The left one was wiggling/bouncing around n it hurt!! No more exercise for YOU!! Nah I like walking. We walked back to the office to grab lunch with Shirley but to my surprise there was a potluck in my honor!! All my favorites like chips n guac, hawaiian bbq, lasagna, veggies, steamed pork bun, brownie. They really know me. was kind of embarrassed at first but these were my friends that know of my condition n wanted to have a going away bobby party!! I got needed gifts of safeway grocery gift cards, itunes gift cards, zip up nighty n slippers. n can't wait to read the cards while I'm in recovery. I gave a little speech and opened up a bit about how I'm feeling and my schedule. I'm so blessed!! Bake sale went good for the amount of folks that were in the office. After expenses think we raised about $300 for susan g. Komen foundation. Cheers to a great day.

4/3/12

How can the dr say my pain is supposed to be insensate!! Felt like I was having a mammo a few times today and the itching nipple is a pain. 2 more weeks until, u know, wait for it...mastectomeeee. I'm eager to get better but now afraid of going under. I made myself this weight and it didn't help me any by inviting cancer in. I'm renigging the invite and screaming for it to leave. I hope n pray that everyone get regular mammies because u never freaking know if it's u that's going to be stuck with this challenge/battle. God bless. It only takes 10 mins a year to ensure a lifetime of being cancer free.

4/2/12

How come I can't hang onto the one that's not sick!! She's mine and she's all I'll have left. I understand what a few folks are saying but I'm just getting used to loosing a sick one to be selfish by removing both of them at once. 1 more week until the breast MRI to ensure it hasn't spread. I love my coworkers but I wish I had more pto time to take next off all next week but it'll help me more by taking a few half days off. Ready for better days ahead. And yes I understand my cancer is not rare but it's cancer none the less. Scary shit! I'm ready for the battle, I think. I feel the love in my corner though!!!

3/31/12

Angela woke us up at 9:45am with a chipper "good morning time to get up." I'm like what? Opened my eyes n she made us breakfast in bed!! Coffee n juice to boot. Boy I should open eyes first then open my mouth. Was so sweet n thoughtful. We all had a great time in my bedroom enjoying breakfast n conversation. Then came shower time then shopping. Angela showered first. Daniel n I laid back in bed for a stolen moment and had a few smooches. I gently led his hand on the injured breast to enjoy it a few more weeks. I began to cry. It was such a profound moment I had with him. No words needed to be said. I just wanted those big shoulders to cry upon. My emotions were all over the place and daniel didn't question me, he let me go. He gently squeezed me closer, stroking my hair n saying, oh honey it's going to be ok. A little while later, I wiped my boogies on his shirt n had some coffee like nothing happened. Angela n I ventured to Pleasanton mall for some much needed shopping n eating therapy. Was a great day. 17 more days to go for surgery.