12/29/12

Had the PET scan on Thursday. 30 mins marinating with glucose radiation n 30 mins with my arms held up in the I'm going to jump off the skydive position. Last 3 mins were excruciating n they finally got me out!! Just awaiting results. Monday possibly. I will be so grateful when they call me n tell me, ALL CLEAR. Had a good Christmas. Not long enough in san Diego. I was still coughing but no fever so we went down anyways. Just today I'm feeling much better. May better days lie ahead for all.

12/21/12

Little cough didn't hold me back from spending all day with Linda Linda. She spoiled me by taking me to breakfast, mani n eyebrow wax. Then off to santas village, at her house, so we can have a wrap party. Ribbons and bows were scurried about must've been the spiked egg nog. I wanted more but my little bed was calling me for a visit. Thank you Linda for making me feel like a queen. With NyQuil in belly, I bid all that reads this health and hugs. Night.

12/15/12 my gift of friendship

Was gently wrapped all warm and snug in a cozy place I call MY home. What a gift daniel and I gave ourselves by opening our door to anyone who had time to come by. When Linda and I planned this, I didn't know how I was going to feel but I didn't care. I'm done with chemo. I'm recuperating from my daily 5 week tanning session. I wanted to celebrate. My feet were hurting and knee was swollen but we had a great time with the 15 people that drove through the cold and the rain to eat, drink, karaoke and be merry. We sang fun Christmas songs with and without the mic. Great time. Thank you Linda Linda for the great crab dip, yummy crackers, fantastic home made sweet treats. She found Daniels sweet spot. Love my good days!!!

12/10/12- pix of radiation scar-beware

Dont look at photo below if you cant handle my battle scars. I do need more of that cream. It's awesome!
I Hate crawling in and out of my low 2000 Honda civic. Since i didnt get a raise, i cant get a new car. New goals. Bathroom remodel first. Its been Very painful to bend when my radiation blisters n sunburns r very close and on my mastectomy scar. I'm grateful for the extra time I have to get ready to go somewhere. Socks n shoes r a chore. Putting on camisole and compression sleeve take time. Wait til I go back to work. Put on the prosthetic bra, little make up. Forget the wig n having to do my hair!!! The other stuff will be more important. I need to be comfortable for 10 hours. January 7th is my back to work date with no restrictions. Which arm pillow should i bring hmmm. Pierre jouet, oj and croissants at my desk please. Looking forward to ongoing healing.

12/6/12 LAST DAY of burning my bacon!!!

Daniel woke up this morning telling me they I've done great! I'm like, all I did was make a pot of coffee but thanks. He saw the bewildered smile and expression on my plump cheeks and said, with your treatments!! He got the biggest hug. How stupid of me not to remember that he went through this with me. He's my shining light. Hard to get down on myself and have a pity party, party of one, when daniel will never walk!! There are worse things to worry about. I can always get another breastesses. Daniel will never get the use of his legs. Except to kick my ass when I'm in that bad place.
9:30am, I head to Linda Linda's to pick her up to head on down to OAK town for my last appointment. She hands me oatmeal cranberry cookies for breakfast and I did not hesitate to gobble gobble.
Was on time for treatment. 30 seconds into treatment, machine stops. They have to reboot computer. Anxiety sets in. Not again! 30 mins later I was gone n got my hugs and a certificate of completion. Went to Nicks in san Leandro for breakfast at noon. Enjoyed watching Linda work from home lol and we caught up and shared stories, sparkling cider, chocolate and a few tears. Thank u sissy for a great day and I will always need u because we all are healing together.

12/2/12

I'm peeling in 2 areas of my chestesess. Right at my scar tissue!! Hard to make right turns without the blister wanting to open. Radiation has been rough. Now that skin is tighter, it's harder to be a scared little kitten n keep her paws up high in the sky. Well that's my visual anyways. It looks so much better n cuter when u see a kitty on its back n put paws up.
Daniel gave me an awesome arm and foot massage tonight. I cheered him on to move deeper into my arm to thrust those lymph nodes through. Amazing how it doesn't feel as heavy in my tricep after he does it. I just hate it when it hits my body/peeling sunburn. Wish I could get a rub down every day.
Luv that man of mine.

11/28/12

If u can avoid people at all cost when u don't feel good, do it. When u know u can be in a toxic, menopausal state and chocolate donuts don't help, avoid people and speaking. For the past 2 days I felt like that and there was no warning.

11/25/12

Burn baby burn! Put miaderm on almost every 2 hrs today. Good times, Friday Linda,Carrie and I put up the below lawn ornaments. Made me so happy. Even daniel liked it. Thought he'd give me one of those, "oh lawd" looks but he says they r cute.
My sissy sent me a radiation care package n some cookies to share with shirley. Had dinner with Shirley kins to give her cookies n some of radiation care package since I already had items from my Linda Linda.
I hope I sleep good tonight. 3 more days of penicillin. 8 more days of radiation.

11/20/12

Had a little scare tonight. Around 940pm im reaching for the carrots from laying down on the couch. I felt a sharp pain at my rib cage. I went to grab my phantom boob to lift her up n touch my rib cage.
Painful that I had the pain as well as a painful reminder that she's not there anymore. I'm ok, think I just strained it a bit. No heat or swelling. Ok we've been watching too much greys anatomy.
I'm on penicillin for 7 days. Dentist said my dead tooth from last years root canal might be problem. As for now I'm taking 100 mg of aspirin few times a day, 500 mg penicillin, thyroid and magnesium, ambien at night. I love getting old.
My friend Linda is so sweet. She calls me yesterday asking if it's laundry day. I told her in my biggest hug voice that I was
getting a lymphatic massage after my 12 minute tanning session. But the massage didn't happen;( little did i know they were 1 hour behind due to a newbie. She kept moving. I was new once so I remained patient then we all applauded her for her good attitude on her first day of her 6 week treatment. Group therapy tomorrow.

Daniel gave me a great massage tonight after he put aloe on my chest and below my arm pit. He's very patient with me as he's eager to help me n not hurt me.

11/17/12

1st cancer now Hostess going bankrupt!!!! Oh lawd. It's a sign. Don't have the Hostess treats, won't get cancer. One less thing to worry about.
On a more serious note, I'm popping aspirin every 4 hrs. My tooth or my nerves in the back by the already pulled wisdom tooth when I was 16, is killing me!! I have an 11am dentist appt on Monday. I saw him last week n he said X-rays r fine n I should brush n floss aggressively.
Had a great time on Friday having crepes
And getting Mano/pedi with Shirley. I'm so glad she n I have good days that we can share

11/12/12

8th day of radiation. 40 min drive to Oakland every day 1 way, for a 15 minute procedure. Some pain today. Felt stronger than the other times. Skin feels stretchy more. I've put the aloe Vera on it every day but it doesn't take away the skin/chest walls getting tighter. Hurt a bit as I sneezed but took it like a champ. I'm having trouble still sleeping n getting comfortable as I have to elevate my arm above my heart especially when I sleep. I toss n turn n hope my arm doesn't fall asleep when I lay on my side.
I still have gum/nerve pain n dr said floss more. I asked my oncologist for a pet scan, it's my right to have one. Eager to hear his response to my email.
All in all, I'm ready for Xmas. Craving some homemade stuffing n gravy now!!

11/7/12

Lymphedema!!! My lymphedema PT didn't diagnose me but she's going to discuss me with my oncologist to put on paper another diagnosis. I didn't expect it so soon. Knew it might happen. I could've prevented it a bit better by wearing my compression sleeve more. Just a bit sad tonight wanting carbs. My armpits don't like the aluminum free deoderant toms of main. Allergic pits not fun. I have to electric shave my pits soon since hair is growing back. Sooo bummed. I enjoyed not having to worry about those things.
On a less depressing My eyebrows are coming back but my lower eye lashes are still yet to be seen. Oh well. Hair on my big ole head is growing nicely, Grey!!! but coming back none the less.

11/2/12

Rested all day!! Was 30 mins early to my radiation appointment. 20 mins later I was done and excited. Scared for a moment when the machine was rotating and hit my arm. He said, oh normally we get in before it rotates back. He said it twice like it was something that always happened. Don't think he said sorry but he was nice n professional!!! Day 2 n the only side effects today are minor skin redness n mild burn.

11/1/12

Radiation went fine. Appointment was for 11am. I picked up linda at 10. I fixed her connectivity problem and we made it to oakland in time. They were running 25 mins behind. I had 2 sips of the coffee they gave me and then they were ready for me. I wasn't nervous until they took down my gown, 2 guys I just met by the way, and put my arms in stirrups. They started marking my chest with blue dashes so they can line me up for radiation. Procedure was only 12 mins. I barely felt it. Only
Mild burn/tingle after but procedure was good. Hella tired 2 hrs after procedure. We ate linch, i took linda home n took a nap. I get to go 4:15 every day for 5 weeks. Yay me.

10/30/12

Woke up sore, tight and a bit swollen in my hands. Took a water pill n helped a bit. Even though I had my favorite massage last night, my left arm seems to have more fluid built up. Was running errands with daniel All day andy feet were killing me. I was rubbing my arm as often as I can. Finally had to take an ambien and ibuprofen to go to sleep. Going to rest n put my feet up for Halloween.

10/28/12

Congrats SF Giants. World series champs.
Went to gym yesterday with daniel. I'm pretty swollen and sore with my quads, and right forearm. My right leg was tingling today. Starting Scaryation on Tuesday, 5 days a week, for 15 mins a day. Side effects are sunburn and tiredness. All I know. Big part of possible side effect is heart failure. Need all prayers n good thoughts. Gotta figure which outfits to wear this week.

10/24/12

Having a good day so far. Linda did some massaging yesterday and Daniel rubbed my lymphatics around last night really good. I have so much fluid built up n it's hard to reach in certain places. Had a great 2 hr lunch with Erica. Hadn't caught up with her in 25 yrs. saw her at the 10th but lost touch.
I'm chilling now without my cap at Starbucks. Literally chilly but my hat was slipping n I feel good. So pix are below.

10/18/12

Yes one is allowed to go and see family whilst on disability. Seeing the Pham for few weeks was very much needed. Healing long distance is hard but they know I'm getting better and can see what I'm going through. Hard to show weakness in front of people. Have to keep reminding myself that I'm getting treated for cancer and this is not a cold. It's ok that from time to time I'll cancel plans, it's ok to sleep or lie down all day.
The other day I had a moment of weakness. Daniel was wearing his fight like a girl shirt. A lady was looking at him/his shirt looked at me then walked away. Stoic looking. I'm like huh. I looked at daniel then realized what shirt he was wearing and I started to cry. He was wearing a supportive shirt and it reminded me that it was me he was wearing it for. Sooo sucks. This month sucks, pink everywhere reminding me what disease I'm fighting for. I'm sure I'll get over it. My bedroom is pink I'm sure not going to paint anytime soon.
It's a fighting color and it's awareness I know. Can't be selfish when their are other people worse off than me. Ok im off my pedestal now.
Radiation starts 10/30-12/4 on the daily!!! Calgon take me away. I have 1 more merry maids gift card left that I will use shortly. Can't wait to get another lymphatic massage.

10/5/12

Eye twitching n chest twitching are back. Chest twitching was gone for almost a week. Guess dr giving me magnesium didn't work. MUGA scan has been scheduled for 10/15 in the afternoon. Let's get some answers soon. Can't take anymore bad news.

10/4/12

Don't think I've had much salt since I've been down here in so cal but today my feet and my left hand is swollen. Did some walking but I've been in air conditioned places most of this trip. Going to put my feet up and take a water pill tomorrow.

10/1/12

Having a great time in temecula with Angela n daniel. Mom is coming up from san Diego tomorrow. I want to take time with the family before I start radiation this month. It's not scheduled yet. Have to do another MUGA heart study first. It's so hot both my feet r swollen again and I'm wearing my compression sleeve every other day. Need to do arm exercises better because my tricep feels lumpy n swollen.

9/27/12

Blahhhh don't want to talk about it

9/24/12

Feet r still swollen but putting them up with ice was good. Thank u Linda Linda for the compression sock reminder. Daniel didn't know I was wearing them until we almost went to bed. He thought I was playing soccer.
Thank you Linda for doing our laundry n being a seattle fan so that I had some rivalry smack talk during football game!! Muah.

9/23/12

What doesn't hurt today? My feet r swollen but not as humongous as my right foot is. Not sure if it was a bug bite or the heat yesterday and I in tennis shoes, or lack of exercise this weekend. Left knee still hurts so I now have ice on my knee and my foot. Not a bad week.
Starting herceptin treatments this Thursday at 2pm. Oncologist said 36 treatments to stop the spread of tumors because I am HER2 positive. I have decided to go ahead with radiation treatments. I'm not done with being in pain. I'd like to live longer and no pain no gain. Where's my Mc Dreamy? He's right here fighting by my side. Just like those that r reading this.

9/12/12

This chemo treatment is kicking my ass. I am more aware of mouth sores than ever. Have to scrape my tongue just to get the film off. I drink water constantly but don't really enjoy it. I gained so much weight with this breast cancer crap. For those of you who think that chemo makes you sick all the time, for me I'm a special case. I am naseaus but I know when to take my meds to be ahead of the nasty nasty. Tonight daniel gave me my last Neuprogen shot in my hip. (photo below) I hated that shot with a passion. Took it for 5 days on the 3rd day after chemo. It made my joints ache, hard to sleep. I want to thank god for daniel n his patience with me throughout all this, especially that shot!! He made it fun by putting on music, making me talk about something else n spanking me on my hip... Meow. Thank you mom, her friend Jules and Linda Linda for donating to my 2 hr lymphatic massage at tranquil massage in san Ramon. Love it!!!!

9/10/12

Had a good time yesterday playing cards with Danny n fred. Wish I had felt better. All day on couch moaning n groaning. Fighting flu like symptoms that herceptin gives off. No more chemo as of last Thursday. Think they jacked up dose cuz I feel worse than ever. Constipated now but farting, yay me. Today had 2 Nd opinion with radiologist. She also stresses 5 weeks of radiation. We went over risks n I'm only concerned with the heart failure one. Daniel went with me as my 2 Nd pair of ears. He let me attempt to eat what I wanted today but I only enjoyed chocolate milk, mashed potato, biscuit and sprite. I'm nursing a 99.2 fever n keeping an eye on it. Don't know what I'm going to do yet. I have few weeks to decide.

9/7/12

Poopy all day. First time this whole chemo cycle. Normally I'm stopped up. Hmm. I did eat some meals today. Yay me.
Twitching report: left bicep, right chest port, left eye (taking eyedrops for that)
Compression socks tomorrow for my fat ankles!!!!

9/7/12

And so symptoms of chemo begins. Had a good chemo day yesterday and good appetite. Took ambien to get some good rest.
Now, feeling constipated and I go relieve myself from both ends. Now that's multi tasking at its finest!

9/4/12

What is not wrong with me?! Knee still hurts and ice is not helping. Think I hurt my wrist and my palm working out last Saturday;(. Left armpit area is a bit swollen. After my ejection/fraction procedure my chest port still stings. I'll ask Onc dr tomorrow at 130. I have an 11am with radiologist. My right armpit has been twitching all day off and on. When I press on the middle of the pit it does hurt a bit. Not sure if it's my period or what. I'll watch some old episodes Greys anatomy n have some captain crunch now. I'm sure I'll be right as rain in morning. Thanks for listening. Thanks for fuddruckers pops!

9/3/12

Rested all day after dad took us to Denny's. My right armpit has been acting up but doesn't feel like a lump just twitching/throbbing. I'll ask oncologist Thursday.

8/31/12

On top of cancer, obesity, swollen knee I have this eye thingy. Blepharitis (bless u). Common chronic inflammation. Eye crusties in the morning for weeks. Eyes watering and not because of allergies. Left eye twitches all the time. I have to take anti inflammatory drops n fake tears for a while. She said I need to slow down on caffeine, get more rest, stay hydrated.
Will do. Now time for icing my knee.

8/29/12

Didn't sleep well at all. My left tricep and above armpit seem to be more swollen/sore in the pm. Self massages work n I tire myself out. Can't wait til the swelling goes down in my feet to wear real shoes.
My mom is on a plane back to san Diego n I miss her already. 10 days wasn't enough. Glad she and I rested together as she was in pain herself. She made Shirley and I arm pit pillows. Pix below. And look!! My hair is growing back!

8/19/12

My heart is overwhelmed! Mom won't let me do nothing n I see her smiling n in pain as well. We stayed in our Jammie's until 5. Aching all over today especially my knees. Small fever of 99.1. I drove a little bit today n my PB (phantom boob) was hurting, stretching. All day my left lymphatic tricep has been hurting. Ambien take me away!!! Love u mommy!

8/18/12

Don't want to do a thang. Water tastes funny but I know I have to drink it. Just rested today then we picked up mom from OAK then went to Mexican food. I was hungry then once food came I wasn't. I got so cold in the restaurant. Went home n curled up in sweats n 2 blankets. Small fever 99.7. When daniel gave me my neuprogen shot I moved. Oh well 4 more shots to go

8/15/12

90 min lymphatic massage, $100 so worth it. No time to do my groin area but I booked 2 hrs next month. Tranquil massage in san Ramon. Hard to find places that know how to do lymphatic massage. Now at Zachary's pizza getting a deep dish on to share with Linda- linda n Daniel. Great friends no judging what I'm eating. I feel pretty good n ready for my walk at 8pm.

8/14/12

Didn't feel like I did that much today but think I did. Went to get measured for wrist sleeve n arm sleeve. Then Went to target n a 5 yr old bday party. My phantom boob feels like it did first few weeks of surgery. Feels like my scar wants to tear again. My wrist n feet n hands are still swollen but I lost 3 lbs, yay. I'm trying to be strong for myself! I dont like to be in pain or feel down. I don't want to bring anyone else down with me. I'm glad/blessed to have such great friends n loving family going down this cancerous road with me. Good thoughts good thoughts

8/2/12

Slept ok. I didn't over do it on food consumption but was hungry. Went to Luckys. Haven't been to store in few weeks. Bought oj, apple juice, bananas, avocado, grapes N other edibles. Lunch was big bowl of honey nut Cheerios. Tasted weird but satisfying. Not too much diareals today but 2.5 days in a row is not fun none the less. Afternoon snack, sliced mild cheddar cheese, Dublinier cheese, dill pickle, few chips n salsa. I paid for it 30 mins later. I'm squeezing my foam Lego as much as I can to keep lymphatic fluids flowing. Can't wait for my lymphatic massage on the 14. Busy appointment week that week. Today certain movements felt like my surgery scar was ripping open. I give it some light rubbing n tenderness n tell mysel it's gonna be ok. Big deal! I now have a great spot to put the remote without falling!!!!!

8/1/12

No one can tell someone how each treatment is n how they will feel. Do research after research n nothing can prepare u for every round of chemo but at least I have done my research n know what to expect. It just sux having no patience for what I'm feeling n not knowing how long it will last. Been feeling such a baby since Sunday but I don't care anymore. I'm a cancer patient, still hard to admit, n I need to be not so hard on myself. For 3 days straight fat gurl has had a hard time swallowing n eating or keeping down any kind of food!! 42 yrs old n not used to this at all. Can't wait to get off this medicine so I can loose the 12 lbs I gained since April. If I start watching yoga channel n doing it, maybe I'll loose it.

7/30/12

What a lull day Monday WAS. All I did was call my Linda Linda to bitch n moan about how sore my arm was. How constipated I was. How achy I was. Then whamo!!! She's over my house touching my dirty dishes, folding my hubby's n my drawers. And for god sakes don't forget the tearful n fantastic arm sweeping massage. Thank u Linda for lending me your kind shoulder n your slacks for that matter that I teared upon. N thank u daniel for the cookies n cream shake! Don't judge y'all I wanted it bad.

7/29/12

Ugh not feeling it today. Darn shot. At least I took pain pill n ambien early last night. Dogs were barking at 1030p but still didn't sleep too well. Love resty sundays.

7/26/12

This is my 4th time at the chemo rodeo why am I so poopy n anxious? 1030 chemo at least I can rest some more.
Got my prosthetic bra yesterday. Im such an advocate for what these places charge insurance companies. $317 for boulder holders!!! Dang. But it is nice though. I get 3 of them a year through kaiser.
I know I have great support in u my friends, but its so great to finally be comfortably supported, but it leaves red sunburnish mark between my breasties where the forever-to-front close the clasp is. But I felt fantastic. Pix below. The steroid stuff I'm on made me gain 10 nvery lately so he lowered the dosage on one of them.
Yes u can look. The left one looks so good the right one getting jealous.
Thanks for listening.

7/23/12

I know u all missed me. Took a well needed family time in san Diego/temecula. The trip left my feet swollen n my affected arm so sore. Glad I have pt tomorrow. 4th round chemo thurs. weds going to get fitted for a bra. The right 'C' will finally get support!!!

7/13/12

Angela gave me my shots the past few days. I know she was icky about doing it but this is a part of "being there for me". It hurt but I appreciated that she overcame her ickyness of not wanting to. I only felt flu ness in my achy legs 2 days as to 4-5 days in previous after chemo white-count rising shots. We went to my moms n cooked n visited. Was so great to see her walking around n chopping foods. She showed me her X-rays of knee replacement n femur replacement. Ugh where those pin r in her knee it's no wonder it's hard to walk or really bend the knee. How come the pins/screw thingys be so long!!! Mom needed to rest so we left her some merlot n smooched her way to sleep. Was a good day. Thought she was going to tear up when she wanted to see my scar. She's ready to make hats for cancer patients!!!

7/12/12

Yay anti diareal pill worked yesterday. I didn't have any issues at airport. But I was so tired. Was very nervous about having swelling in my arm drying landing n take off. I kept squeezing my fake Lego n it helped with compression. I slept for 6.5 hrs last night but I feel ok today. A bit drained n my arm is a bit tender n swollen but not what I took anxiety meds for. Can't wait to see my mom tomorrow. These past 4 months have been so hard on me not seeing them as often as I like butt, yes I said butt, I'm blessed to be feelin ok enough to fly between chemo to see them.
Thanks for listening.

7/11/12

I'm just going to stay on the pot til daniel gets home. Gheez. Careful what I wish for, plus possible dehydration!! Not a good day. Someone tell me, no more food network when I'm naseaus!!!
Glad Linda gave me mad libs yesterday to keep my mind off things. I was craving tacos last night but not that hungry. My bestie of a hubby got out of his car n got me few tacos from taco bell. Not the best tacos but did the trick. There r no taco bell drive thrus close to us n he got out the car... Angela said he's a keeper!

7/10/12

Been naseaus the past few days. Ate dinner last night it was the only meal I ate n the best thing was jalepeno cheese cornbread n mashed potato. Mmmm. I'm constipated. Nothing new. I went to sleep early even with an ambien I tossed n turned. Must be the white blood cell count upper shot that I have to take until Thursday. Let me find some apple sauce n jello now

7/7/12

Slept like crap. Why don't I just take ambien nightly? I don't want to get used to it I suppose. I was tired and thought I could do it on my own. Took two hours to go to sleep. I wake to go potty then took forever again to go back to sleep. 730a, nasea sets in and i finally take ambien n nasea pill. This round of chemo seems the hardest on my body. I took a nap during chemo yesterday too, kept waking my butt up snoring. Food tastes weird today but I ate but not all of it. My chemo pee is stronger than the last 2 times as well. But oh well. At least I know they got it into the port. My blood work is getting into the normal range so meds r working. My range of motion in my left arm is not that good today. I put on a zip up sweatshirt n it hurt pretty bad.
Going to try n hit the gym tomorrow n do some cardio n legs.

7/6/12

9am chemo whipped me. Pharmacy was late in filling everyone's chemo drips. Kept first saline drips in a bit longer. Got outta there at 145p. Took a great 4 hr nap. Woke up not that hungry. Looking forward to restful weekend

7/6/12

Danny took Shirley n I to movies last night. Went to bed at 2am. No more double features for me for a while. My arm was so swollen n I could feel the fluids rolling around. Glad I brought my underarm pillow n my hand squeeze thing. Chemo day now n I'm still eating my breakfast. Need to start eating earlier. Next treatment is 7/26/12 at 1030am yay.
My blood work I did yesterday is in normal range so meds r working!!!

7/5/12

Felt good yesterday so took shirle to dinner n a movie(s). Paid for Ted then saw magic mike. Both were great!

7/2/12

I know I know. I've said it many times but now my little shaved head looks like little fleas on my pillow.

7/1/12

I love the special chocolate. I slept great! No tossing n turning. No getting up to pee 3 times. I actually laid on my left side with my arm elevated a bit. I did good on my exercises that I felt I didn't squish any fluid that was minutely built up. Got up early, ur welcome shirley, smooched the man n had breakfast with Shirley-kins then off for Mani pedi. THANK u Shirley!! What a nice treat.
That I almost fell asleep at. Then a minor Costco trip. I was soooo tired. Went home n immediately took off my camisole. That thing, with the padded boob is so annoying some time. The other one is playing peek a boob because there's no cup support and it's tough making right turns when I have a dolly parton type left boob that doesn't move much. I'm cracking myself up!!! Bra is coming soon. Yay

6/30/12

Loretta came over at 1130am n brought yummy el pollo loco chic salad. Great to catch up. Thank u Loretta. My chest port bugged me most of the day but I didn't let it spoil our visit. Around it, it feels like its pinching n like a mild sunburn. I ask dr on Monday

6/29/12

Took ambien last night, slept pretty good. Straitened up house then Linda picked me up n we went to REI, then to dickeys for bbq, then lowes then home. Great visit. Was nice to get out of house instead of watching Paula Dean n her butter all day! Linda bought me this cool tye dye beanie. Love them. They r breathable n stylish. Thank you Linda Linda.
I don't know why I didn't take a sleeping pill! I figured it was 1230am, I'm tired, I'll sleep. Ahhhh noooo. By the time daniel rolled over and chatted with me, he said it was 2am? Then I got up at 4, then 730. Then finally 1030. Felt such choppy sleep. I even slept without wedge pillow thinking I would sleep better. Ahhh noooo. I will learn. I didn't even have caffeine or chocolate to keep me up.

6/28/12

Had a good day. Rested, exercised. Focused on left arm. Straightened up, made the bed, took out toilet seat riser. Trishies growing up so fast. I almost had energy to swiffer floors. Alison brought over some amazing pizzas. 1-veggie , 1 bbq chicken. Sauce was awesome. Thank you Alison. We shared some wine n lots of laughs. I can have some alcohol but within limits n make sure I drink lots of water. Covered!!!! How did I get so lucky to have worked for her 12 yrs ago n we r good friends today

6/26/12

Woke up late with headache. Head was itching most of night. More hair is falling out. Oh well at least I have my eyebrows still.

6/25/12

Not much to write about the past few days. Was so lonely on Saturday. Daniel was working til 11pm n I watered the front yard n that's about it. Was feeling good but didn't want to swiffer the floor, do laundry, go walking. So was in my box with my remote.

6/20/12

Thank u Linda for upping my bland taste buds with my favorite food, chips n guacamole n spicy burrito. Went to rest room 5 x today. Yayyyyy. I still bought fig newtons n raisin bran in case stool softener stopped working. Was nice to hear from Jen. I owed her a phone call big time.
I went n bought myself n elk burger n frings today! Expensive but I needed to get out of house. 1 cuz of orkin man, n just get out period. Half that elk burger was so good. But arm was getting hard n sore because it was not elevated. Did lots of edema exercises today. Helped alot with inflammation. I have to be careful to not over due iit. My affected side was stretched a bit n was hurting like a sunburn. Another day tomorrow. Mmmm raisin bran!!! Night night

6/18/12

Thought chemo was gonna get rid of periods/ cramping!!! Someone lied! Oh well. I hate being constipated but my 6am restroom call was just awesome this morning. So awesome that I thought I was waking the 4 yappy dogs next door with my excitement of my movement.
I didn't take my shot last night r upping my white blood cells because 3 syringes r bad. I'll take it tonight with the refill I got today.
So tired n nauseus today. Started some laundry. Hate putting it away. Dishes r pilling but I'll nap n throw them in dishwasher.
I now have pt next month for my arm. Lymp swelling in arm bugging me. Must take precaution of no lymphedema.

6/16/12

2 Nd round of chemo was Thursday. All was going well until last bag, last 30 minutes. Needed to go pee, sat up from reclining position then whamo!! Pix frame fell on my head. Ice pack n Tylenol came quick. So did 4 chemo nurses n my dr. "that metal tray was supposed to have been on a requisite list to be removed!" duh.2 days late I'm sore but ok. Daniel n I shaved each others hair earlier today! Cried once because I did look like a fat chemo patient. Took a shower, brushed off excess hair, washed my new head n felt new beginnings. I don't look too bad at all. G.I. Jane got nothing on me.

6/12/12

Almost feel guilty. Still in my Jammie's at 8pm but I was kinda productive today. Sent daniel on his way to work. I watered the front roses, bougainville, n some weeds. I did some dishes n did some laundry. Then I chilled n literally pulled my hair out. All I did was scratch my head. Then combed my hair with my hands n freaking cried. It was all over the floor n all over my Jammie's. I'll get myself a Remington from target n just shave it soon. Next treatment is this Thursday. I'm more prepared for what's to come. I hated that shot that comes on day 3 for 5 days. See my new pix below.
Thank u san Jose peeps for the card n gift card. The card came in just in time because my mood was dampened!!!
Can't wait to ask dr if needle pain in right boob is normal with chest port pain.

6/10/12

Linda took us to lake Merritt bakery for brunch. So good. What a nice treat. Went to REI n got daniel some gloves n myself a stress ball n a new hat.

6/11/12

I should be going to aunt Annie's for that walk. Just little depressed today. Itched my head n put fingers through hair n had more hair in my hands. I know it's supposed to happen but none the less more of me leaving. At least it'll grow back next year.

6/9/12

Best hubby ever. I've been in Jammie's all day. Woke up and eyes were so heavy and almost swollen shut. I didn't go to sleep or take melatonin until 5am! I only made coffee n poured the captain crunch. No energy all day
Oh back to best hubby. He made me a delish grilled cheese n brought it to me
My hair is thinning n my scalp is burning. Sleeping on cotton pillow case is going to change. Sateen here I come.

6/8/12

Nausea n bloop bloop not fun. Drove a little today n was sad. Drove with windows down n my head was actually hurting!! Past few days my hair has been thinning. Mamma said hair n boob don't make trishy trishy. I understand what she says, I truly do. Then I watched Soul Surfer- again, made me think more. "why god chose this path for me?" dunno but I'll patiently wait for an answer. Something good will come. In the meantime, I'll eat my captain crunch!

6/7/12

Ambien!!!! Should've taken it sooner. Left chestestes area hurted most of day. Did some arm exercises as the left arm n pit area was sore, more than usual. Took a good 1 hr nap since going to bed at 2 am. I'm going to have the chest port area looked at soon before next chemo. Sitting, lying down seems to bother me like a needle pinching me all the time. Motrin doesn't seem to help.

6/5/12

Only took 1 Motrin today. Should've exercised my arm more. Was so tired today. Not too tired to visit for 3 hours with Linda-Linda. Always makes me feel better when someone else is having a worse day than me so I can bring them ice cream sandwiches!! Lol
Got up at 10:45a took a nap at 1 for an hour. Tomorrow going to group therapy at 3. Looking forward to it

6/3/12

Had a great brunch with michelle in san leandro. Some nausea in the morning, not a nosebleed in sight. I felt good so we sprayed 100 SPF on my bod n took a walk at san leandro marina. Only took 1 Motrin today. Went home n read for a bit n took a 2 hr nap.

6/2/12

Got up late, no guilt I needed it. Tried on some wigs last night n tried some medicated milk chocolate. Both were equally fabulous n helped the numbness in my left arm disappear. Started the day feeling nauseous but 3:15pm cheryl arrived with a big hug n red velvet cake! We visited alone for a bit. It HAS been a while ms. Cheryl!! Snakatani arrived 30 mins later with L&L!!! She brought me goodies from her Hawaiian trip. Brittle was awesome. We ate, visited then Cheryl n I grabbed the mic n busted out some karaoke! Yes I was feeling no pain then either. Yes I had a bit of chocolate for mid afternoon brunch.
Better than putting that pill on top of my tongue. Don't judge

5/31/12

Earlier today I felt dry nose crusties. Then at 1:15am left nosebleed. After 15 mins of pinching it stopped and we go back to sleep. Here it is 3:45am and I'm pinching nose again n Daniels still snoring away. Part of a side effect of the shot I'm taking. At least I don't have as much aches n pains as I did the past few nights. I took 800 mg Motrin n nasea pill first. Don't have to take the shots until next chemo round

5/30/12

One more day of this white blood cell producing shot!!! Symptoms feel like freaking flu. Aching all night long!!! Temp only 98.9

5/28/12

Terrible today. Taste buds wacky, tired, achy. Had 99.1 fever at 315am but I got it down. Had pho with the phamily n went to Carl's for a great cookies n cream shake. Thanks honey for not judging me n letting me have it

5/27/12

Nausea kicks in the morning n sometimes before a meal. I do have an appetite but I don't over do it. I like ice cold water not warm in a plastic Contigo bottle. Daniel has been great. He sings as he's doing the dishes, sings while cooking. I allow him to have fun n give me my nightly shot( only until weds though) these shot will help me keep my white cells up. I'm still not smoking. Yay me. Very hard though. I'm compensating by having sugar. Not happy about it but I acknowledge my issues. Took 2 melatonin to help me sleep, no Ativan tonight. Earlier daniel caught me holding onto my left chest. I teared up for a moment. Beat cancer!!

5/26/12

Rested all day with fred trishy sitting while daniel worked a few hours. I had energy to make breakfast but that was it. Dina, cookie n Miguel came over later n we ordered pizza, visited n watched Paul. Hilarious movie! Chest port area still sore. I didn't exercise left arm much as I don't know exactly what to do until PT on the 18. I'm so sick of water!!! Trying to drink 3 qts a day.

5/25/12

Day 2, couldnt nap. Felt pretty good though. Pooped 5 times. Yay one for record books. Linda came over at 1230 n kept me company all day n evening. We visited, laughed, watched hbo series Luck. She washed some dishes made sure I was drinking more water than she was. Looked at the TLC mag I got from ACS. Order online hats, scarves, wigs. Blonde, sandy blonde, black short or long hair. Mmmm u all love surprises. We will see

5/24/12

Ate a delish breakfast with daniel, fred n victor at ihop before chemo. We got to kaiser at 10 n 10 other patients were waiting as well. Some quiet, some have been there before u can tell. It broke the ice for me. I was able to sit where I wanted but nurse Angela said its my first time she wanted me to sit in front of her desk. Barely felt needle into my numb port. Yay. Barely felt medicines go through. Double yay. Watched joyful noise on iPad then took out portable pink cd player from michelle n pushed play for meditation n snoring to follow. Peed alot during treatments so good thing. 11-445 I took 3 chemo treatments. Felt good n hungry. No reaction except very tired. Blessing. Took 2 naseua meds that day

5/23/12

My chest port area is so sore. Probably from clapping so much at Christian fellowship with Marsha. I decided to have a Smirnoff ice instead of anxiety meds, I'll take it tomorrow. Had McDonald's n almond snickers for dinner. Some comfort before metal mouth. I will survive. Looking forward to resting n catching up on shows/ movies this weekend. Maybe I'll get a haircut/manicure Friday or Tuesday

5/20/12

Super Sunday! Woke up 1 hour late to take Nikki to airport. She made it on time. We had a great time catching up, laughing about good times n apologizing for bad times. Can't get away from 3rd grade BFF 4 life!! Around 1130 Maia n yvonne came over
With our favorite Mexican food. Mexic Tipico carnitas, and chili verde(separate dishes) lol. Was great to finally show them the house n n visit with them. Daniel made them exercise n take me for a walk down the block n back. Was a beautiful day n I didn't mind spending it walking with such great n caring friends. Missed Jason though. I was pooped n rested the rest of afternoon watching old Lost episodes til fred arrived. My Vicodin was kicking in by 630 n I was kinda loopy but ready to play some hand n foot-cards. Fred won but we still love him anyways. My neck is in some pain but my right boob n chest port got a workout reaching for cards. My left underarmpit is still bugging me but he said 6-12 weeks to get sensation back. Pt is next month. Tomorrow I have to go n get my new return to extended disability/return work paper. Wonder what date he gave me. I miss my job but I'm not looking forward to my chemo/radiation road ahead. I kinda know what to expect but....hard to be positive when I'm still in pain, I feel strong now n chemo will make me weak. Quit my bitching Trish! There are other people out there with issues bigger than mine. Yay i have insurance, yay for my friends n family!!

Chest port pix

5/16/12

My day started slowly I didn't eat anything until 5 PM I went to my appointment for my chest port procedure I did my lab work at 12:30 didn't go in for surgery and till 3 PM I was done at 4:30 and Daniel was so sweet and brought me a cheeseburger French fry and iced tea from McDonald's and buddy around me was Smillie Nate St. do I get one too so it went home and order pizza when they came over she helps out with Mondry was so awesome I needed help a lot I really didn't feel like having company that I needed to just relax and visit with some good people that came over at 8 o'clock is a fabulous ice cream cake and some chicken wings. Don't judge me it was just what the doctor or Trish ordered thank you so much for the Linda for coming over and Daniel because all made my birthday great even know I was in pain from the chest port procedure today. Its going to be a decent day I have appointment with my surgeon at 12 PM To see how I'm healing and proceed with some physical therapy I hope that he knew that the oncologist did schedule this just pork and that he's not surprised by it and that everything can go forward with the chemo next Thursday looking forward to seeing what physical therapy I can do. it was very difficult to sleep last night I am but it'll get better

5/14/12

Had a good weekend with the inlaws. I feel pretty good with my new padded camisole. Can't wait to get my other one this week. Can't get fitted for a bra for another 4-6 weeks. The right one needs support. She's tender!! Hard to sleep n stay asleep still. Getting on melatonin regiment will help. Get to sleep in a bit tomorrow before 1230 chest port placement. Had great time with Jason, Maia, yvonne, Joanna, alton, Kat n Shirley-kins tonight!! Thank u guys for taking care of daniel n i. Thoughtful. Good to reminisce n giggle. Don't be sad for me. I'm doing whatever dr says to do n I'm getting geared up n prepped for what's coming next. No more fresh flowers for a while. Getting ready for lemony fresh house mind, body n soul.
Good times!

5/10/11

Trying to get comfy but able to sleep a bit more on right side. Walked to dr appointment then treated myself to Carl's jr. Time to myself. I over did it a bit. Back hurt arm a bit sore but walked more than I have!! Took 2 hr nap! Alison picked me up n we went for some beef!! Drove to 2 diff stores to get brownies n ice cream to watch Idol at 8. Then stayed up til midnight to watch The Way. Was excellent. Great day all around. Merry maids. Coming Friday to get ready for inlaws saturday

5/9/12

Had a good day. Went to sleep around midnight-ish, woke up at 7am, 9am but crawled out of bed at 10!!! Took some Vicodin last night. Don't think I can wait to see surgeon next weds. Need him to help me with this bruising on my tricep. I know it's only been 3 weeks but lymph edema is no joke. No cure. It can act up at anytime. Now to the good stuff!!! Linda went with me to marzels in Pleasanton where they speciAlize in breast cancer stuff. Hats, wigs, camisoles, swimsuits. I tried on a few camisoles n cried when I found the one that made me feel great. I didn't know if it was a good cry or a bad one. Once Linda held my shoulders from behind n gave me a little squeeze and didn't say a word, I felt it was cry of relief. I looked n felt normal. I had to strut. Had a little photoshoot with my new rack, grabbed a cute little had n snapped a few more. Went home with what I had tried on. Zipped up front white cami that has aloe in it for 24 washes. The other one will be ready next week. It's 5 weeks to early for a bra but I don't care. I wish I was told sooner about the post mastectomy cami but I'm very happy now.

5/5/12

Went to san leandro marina for a little walk. Went to AW rootbeer to get a float first then walk it off. Couldn't walk much more, didn't want to over do it. Then went to go have yummy Mexican food for early dinner. Took a nap at 6pm!! So sweet, daniel read to me a bit of snow white then dozed off. Tape is slowly coming off by itself. No appointments this week. Going to set up appointment at nordies for bra n camisoles. Can't wait. Thanks for reading.

5/4/12

Couldn't sleep in. Toss n turn as usual. On my back, not comfy, on my right side, slightly comfy. Being alive to feel these feelings, priceless. Dad helped me get my car tuned up/smog/timing belt n water pump. We went to breakfast, with pillow under pit. Oh well at least I wasn't going to go numb in public. Tape still hasn't fallen off stitches yet. Even though surgeon said we can take them off weds. I'm still numb in certain areas of my arm/pit. Hard as well. He will give me exercises on 5/16. Stupid me I still try n clear table with left hand or try n bathe left handed. Took injection infraction test today. It read about 58% but the surgeon or oncologist will confirm soon. Angela said over 55 is good. Weird test and I'm a hard to stick person so of course it hurt. Look up MUGA test n u will understand what/why I'm doing this. I don't quite have a reach but ive been able to put on n take off whife beaters but my right boob is aching for a bra. Going to nordies in Ptown soon to check out fitted cami's n prosthetics. Thanks for listening out there. Got a gift n card from louise today. So freaking thoughtful. I do miss my coworkers!! Okok and chatting it up with my execs too!!

5/3/12

Ok here it goes, this Friday I do a MUGA test. To check my heart function to ensure it can take the chemo meds. 5/15 2pm they are putting iv port in my chest, 5/16 I have 12pm follow up appointment with surgeon, 5/23 I do pre bloodwork for chemo. 5/24 10am start chemo. Noooo I'm not scared--- again!!!! I'm trying to nap, not working with this on my mind

5/2/12

Still in jammies at 8pm. Sang karaoke or watch a lot while dad sang. Had a ball. Tried to lay down n rest n just couldn't. No position was comfy. Think maybe I sat up alot on the couch today. Put alot of pressure on my owie. Still haven't taken the tape off stitches. Some have come off naturally n that's ok. Dr said we can start removing tape today but it doesn't look like or feel like it wants to come off. Oh well. No hurry to me. It's only been 15 days. Tina had Indian food delivered to us tonight. I didn't eat that much but was sooo good. Been loving the carbs lately, cereal, toast, bread bread!!! Can't do coffee m chemo!!! I'm so bummed!!! I better work from home while I'm on chemo for a while. Work look out!! Ready for pain pill n melatonin. Need to sleep/rest even though I'm not left the house.

5/1/12 meeting Dr. Shek-Oncologist

did some retail therapy this afternoon at Walmart to purchase some more short sleeved, button down shirts. they had more that I liked than 3 weeks ago. hmmm.
3:10pm met Dr. Shek. met with him for 2 hours with Daniel and my Dad. He told me that I had level 3/3 of agressive breast cancer but at stage 2 cancer. yes we caught it early but there were 3 lumps in the breast and it spread to 1/15 lymp nodes. he wants to start chemo (TCH) https://www.navigatingcancer.com/chemotherapy_treatments/tch-docetaxel-carboplatin-trastuzumab-breast
1 year then look at radiation after if needed. he wants to start right away like on 5/24. i have an appointment with the surgeon on 5/16, day after my 42nd b-day, to see how well i'm healing and give me some PT exercises. if he feels i'm healed at 100% then he'll give the go ahead for 5/24 chemo port instead of IV since i'm a bad stick with IV's. big possibility that the chemo will effect fertility. i'm going to be 42 and we don't have children at this time anyways. might freeze some eggs, might adopt a child or a dog:)... focus on me and me alone. i'm eager to live a long and healthier life.

4/28/12

House full of friends was what the dr ordered. Shirley came over n brought churches chick for lunch! We walked to the corner n back. More than 9 houses. I made a small goal. I stopped a few times to catch my breath n rest by bouncing phantom boob. Roseanne came n hour later n brought Nations pies, jelly beans n m&ms! So thoughtful. Good visit. During that time Dina Miguel n classy came over. She stopped the ice cream man n we all got an afternoon treat before my walk. Miguel started our laundry adjusted the flowers. Linda came at 6. Daniel made appetizers n we visited. Linda made us dinner!!! My favs of salmon cauliflower asparagus n potatoes, wine, dessert. Was so delicious n sweet of her. Then she asked if I was ready for another treat. She broke out pink socks n lotion n said she's ready to massage my feet!!! R u serious. Who does that?!! Linda, luv ya lots. What an evening!!!

4/27/12

Took Jen to the airport at 10:30am and gave her a greatful send off. Daniel n I went to nicks in san leandro for breakfast with my arm pillow in tow. Didnt care how ridonculous I looked with it there but need to keep it slightly elevated an away from my bod. Keeps the pain away a bit. Hate that numbness n harness that close to me. Daniel went to gym n I walked to pet store to look at kitties n parakeets. I had a ball playing with caged kitties. I felt good still n we caught a movie, 5 yr engagement. Was good. Uncle tri invited us to pho at his house. Oh yeah!!! Took a nap after dinner n went home. Good day n only took 2 800 mg of Motrin

4/26/12

Had a late start in the day. Took a nap then took my first shower! Slowly I disrobed and looked to hide from every mirror in bedroom n bathroom. Got towel n luffa n began what i feared the most, me touching my owie. I gently put the water onto my head trying yo miss my breast completely. I felt fine but terrified none the less. Hair was first, oh yeah. No more oilies. The under arm on right side was hard to do with one hand. Hard to lift up the left arm due to hella soreness n I couldn't feel if I was washing the poor pit because it's still numb. I turned the water off and had a moment of silence. I cleaned the right one and I didn't want to wet the left one as i still have tape over the stitches that I'm scared to reveal to my eyes/my heart. I briefly washed beneath the area, she'd a light tear n finished. Took forever but I gently grabbed a towel n dried myself. I moved the medicine cabinet mirror open so I only see the inside. A few habitual times, I wanted to close it do I can brush my teeth n get ready n I opened it again as I did not want to see myself. I'm not ready. Hubby is awesome and is not weirded out. It's only temporary, he says as he quoted Emer. So I put on real pants, a real blouse and make up to go to Cvs, Starbucks, Macy's, then to dinner with Jen. We had great meals, good laughs n conversation. It was my 4th wedding anniversary n hubby came home at 9pm. He brought whoppers from burger king. I told him I had yummy leftovers for him. He said, babe we had these on our wedding night!!! I was such an ass. We split one as he ate leftovers as well. What a great day!!!

4/26/12

Had a nice FaceTime chat with sissy last night. She's much stronger than I. She didn't hesitate to want to see my owie. Daniel n I showed her n she was so kind n just said wow. I told her I haven't looked. She was surprised but not that much. I'm just dealing with physical pain n not that in tune with emotional pain. I'm eager to take my first shower since surgery but I'm scared.

4/25/12

Celebrated our anniversary a day early. Having Mexican food now. So full now, getting tired. Stages to be known next tues with oncologist. he's glad that we did full mastectomy since it was spreading in 3 areas. 1 cancerous lymp node out of 15!!!! Grabbing food now, I feel good. Chat later. Thanks for being there whoever is reading this. My cell is 5107317022 if ya wanna chat or text. Nap time

4/24/12

Had a good day. Got off couch by myself, Jen washed my hair so good, one of my bosses, Jon walheim, drove from SF to bring us some curry n chic pot pie. So thoughtful of he and erin. Nice visit. Jen and I almost walked to the corner. I need to pace myself to not get too excited n not do too much

4/23/12

Ugh my surgeon. I returned a call from sdi office and they asked same crap on application, last day worked, surgery date. Then they said, oh ok we have that, we r missing dr medical procedure codes. I paused. He paused. I said, do u want me to give u his number? He said no we have it. What a wasted phone call!!!
Feel pretty good today. Taking all my meds. Had/have a few blisters from bed n sitting down. Drainage tubes are good, dr going to remove them weds. Should've done it today cuz not draining as much as they were, only 20cc 12 hrs. Managing pain better. Realizing when to take Vicodin or ibuprofen. I need to not try n do stuff with left hand n not push this recovery thing I hear so much. My meds don't make me as sleepy as I thought. Wish they did. Going to ask doc. Jen made an awesome chicken n veggy fritatta for lunch. With her help too, its getting better to get out of bed and off couch. Shes So thoughtful and helpful to help with the cooking since its a little hard for daniel to cook but he does separately of course, mean pasta, curry, dishes. He gave me the nicest sponge bath. We had a good time giggling. He asked me today if I wanted another. Awwwww
I was trying to nap earlier while he was doing dishes n straightening things up n getting ready to cook pasta n in he comes strolling in bedroom. He quietly says sorry my hands r full n plops down, milk, peanut butter banana Sammy, baked chips n 1 piece of almond royale. He was so happy to
give it to me as I was to receive
it. Looking forward to Dina her mom cookie n Linda tonight.

4/22/12

2 Nd movement since surgery!!! Yay freedom. Had to blog that shit!! Big lol. Had a great breakfast. Jen made healthy omlet turkey bacon n peanut butter n toast. Nummy hazelnut Hawaiian coffee sponsored by Shirley. Was admiring flowers given by loretta, and some by tina, Laura n chris. Appreciating life more since I'm alive to enjoy them. Also going to read cards later after walking n sponge bath. I'm ready to read them. Daniel n Jen changed my bandages last night n I'm proud they weren't weirded out by it. I'm not ready at all. I had a few pity parties yesterday but hard to break down when u have strong happy people around. Can't type long hand gets numb.

1st day home

Seemed like I was pushed out n over stayed my welcome. I walked twice yesterday, had my first bowel movement since surgery n they said that dr said again I could leave when I'm ready!! I said fine, after dinner discharge me. The care was good, have some giggles to share when I have more energy. Stress hurts so can't type fast enough on iPhone got home around 630pm

4/20

Finally had hair bod washed

4/20

Finally had hair bod washed

Day 2 in hospital

Finally got good rest hard to text lots of pain

Surgery night

I'm alive. Hella pain. More on Friday luv yall

Surgery dayyyyy!!!

Had a good day yesterday. No nap but good. Lori, my bff, came down from Santa rosa to chill m comfort me the next few days. Went to bed around midnight. I'm up n specially soaped up n rarring to go. Feel free to email me at letlvin@yahoo.com I'll check it as soon as able. God bless us everyone!!!!

Awesome Friday the 13

I'm good!!! Get to keep other boob!! MRI didn't show spreading! X-ray, bloodwork came out good. Thanks for the prayers!! Keep em coming. Going to eat a big steak n chips n guacamole at sizzler

4/15/12

How can i be sad when I have such a good friend. She had me up early on a Sunday for breakfast!! Delish thank u very much. 10am mani pedi- thank u very much! Avenue for some retail therapy, thank u very much. Did someone say lunch at 2, thank u very much. Was pooped by that pizzukki!!!!
Muah shirley-kins. Took a nap n watched hockey game with a hell of a Canadian, Linda. Nice way to spend a Sunday with the ones ya luv. 1 more night to sleep on my left side or my belly!!!

4/14/12

Had a great day with Alison, diana n Tom. Good wine great weather, good food. Awesome company. Sharing great stories. We all gotta stick together with our dramas so that they can turn into better times. Gotta live through the bad to know better times are a coming. What a blessing.

4/13/12

Surgery time is 8am on Tuesday!!! He's in for an awakening, I'm not a morning person hope surgeon is! Have to be there at 6am, with no coffee!!!! When I'm able I'll be ready for my venti soy raspberry white mocha!! Happy friday

4/11/12

Had a great day! From the moment i said good morning to one of my little Angels, Linda and until i clocked out at 1. Had some in n out guilty pleasure today with a neopolitan shake!! Did some retail therapy at lane Bryant. Went to work to see some friends n catch up. Thanks u guys for the Merry maids!! (maia, jason, steph n yvonne). Then off to have MEAT at Espetus Brazilian food in sf with Shirley n Bruce. Thanks boss for the laughs n catching up. Well needed!
Want to thank Brenda for the oil n the prayer we had in the office. I was so consumed with the holy spirit. I was immediately in tears when she held my hands, spoke and prayed in HIS name.
That experience was so special to me.

4/11/12

Working from home this week and Taking a few hours off a day has been helpful. Unwind and reflect. Went to kaiser yesterday to do my pre-op tests. EKG, X-ray and bloodwork. Did all but bloodwork. Surgeon forgot to order that one. But did bloodwork for thyroid test n i am in the normal range after 2 months on meds. Yay me.
Eager to hopefully get MRI results today. I can't wait until Fridays consult.
I'm hoping n praying that the results say there's no more cancer. We saw nothing!"

MR aye ya yae!

It's done! Surgeon should know results in few days. That machine is so freaking loud. My heart was racing not because of nerves but it was beating to the freaking beats of sounds of wrenches hitting inside of a tank!! Can't believe Alison sat in the room with me n witnessed all those sounds. She said I was a trooper n laid so still the whole time. She was right. The thing that hurt the most was the time the nurse n the person administering the MRI hit the iv.
Breathing was a luxury in that thing. It was hard enough taking a deep breath for me but to barely breathe, be still, not be anxious n have an asthma attack, they were asking alot! I made it fine n was ready for some wine n chocolate. Thanks diana n Alison for a great treat. Dinner drinks food were great. Company was top notch. It's Christmas every day, life is a gift!!!

4/9/12

It's just a breast MRI, why am I so nervous?! Stomach is in knots. Need to keep busy until Alison gets here to take me.

Cake pops photo mmmm

4/6/12

Blogging about a great day! Sissy has been with me for a week n is leaving back to temecula tonight. We had a good time eating n baking n karaoking, and...today the left one was being a bit sensitive!! Now I can feel my ouwie more predominantly than before. Sleeping on my tummy didn't help either. Took a walk with sissy before lunch to do some sf Giants shopping. The left one was wiggling/bouncing around n it hurt!! No more exercise for YOU!! Nah I like walking. We walked back to the office to grab lunch with Shirley but to my surprise there was a potluck in my honor!! All my favorites like chips n guac, hawaiian bbq, lasagna, veggies, steamed pork bun, brownie. They really know me. was kind of embarrassed at first but these were my friends that know of my condition n wanted to have a going away bobby party!! I got needed gifts of safeway grocery gift cards, itunes gift cards, zip up nighty n slippers. n can't wait to read the cards while I'm in recovery. I gave a little speech and opened up a bit about how I'm feeling and my schedule. I'm so blessed!! Bake sale went good for the amount of folks that were in the office. After expenses think we raised about $300 for susan g. Komen foundation. Cheers to a great day.

4/3/12

How can the dr say my pain is supposed to be insensate!! Felt like I was having a mammo a few times today and the itching nipple is a pain. 2 more weeks until, u know, wait for it...mastectomeeee. I'm eager to get better but now afraid of going under. I made myself this weight and it didn't help me any by inviting cancer in. I'm renigging the invite and screaming for it to leave. I hope n pray that everyone get regular mammies because u never freaking know if it's u that's going to be stuck with this challenge/battle. God bless. It only takes 10 mins a year to ensure a lifetime of being cancer free.

4/2/12

How come I can't hang onto the one that's not sick!! She's mine and she's all I'll have left. I understand what a few folks are saying but I'm just getting used to loosing a sick one to be selfish by removing both of them at once. 1 more week until the breast MRI to ensure it hasn't spread. I love my coworkers but I wish I had more pto time to take next off all next week but it'll help me more by taking a few half days off. Ready for better days ahead. And yes I understand my cancer is not rare but it's cancer none the less. Scary shit! I'm ready for the battle, I think. I feel the love in my corner though!!!

3/31/12

Angela woke us up at 9:45am with a chipper "good morning time to get up." I'm like what? Opened my eyes n she made us breakfast in bed!! Coffee n juice to boot. Boy I should open eyes first then open my mouth. Was so sweet n thoughtful. We all had a great time in my bedroom enjoying breakfast n conversation. Then came shower time then shopping. Angela showered first. Daniel n I laid back in bed for a stolen moment and had a few smooches. I gently led his hand on the injured breast to enjoy it a few more weeks. I began to cry. It was such a profound moment I had with him. No words needed to be said. I just wanted those big shoulders to cry upon. My emotions were all over the place and daniel didn't question me, he let me go. He gently squeezed me closer, stroking my hair n saying, oh honey it's going to be ok. A little while later, I wiped my boogies on his shirt n had some coffee like nothing happened. Angela n I ventured to Pleasanton mall for some much needed shopping n eating therapy. Was a great day. 17 more days to go for surgery.

3/30/12

 not that hungry last night but my tummy was growling on Bart so i had to have something when i got home. Ahh pita chips and spinach dip and OJ. Went to sleep late because I was on uTube looking at inspirational videos and music. I was too excited to sleep to see that people were putting their serious business on blast like that. I'm glad they did. Happy friday to me. can't wait for Angela to get here.

3/28/12

Had a great dinner with Linda. 3 hrs flew by. Realized and admitted that I'm stronger with this disease and I have never said, "why me?" I am blessed they caught it early, surgery is a month later than I expected, which was due to my fluffiness n my posterior. Thank u michelle for that article on, why NOT me" I'm still tired at times. The left one is feeling good today so feel a bit sexy n put on a comfy silky bra instead of sports bra. Treat my girls like the queens that they r! I did have a few cigarettes this week. I'll get back to me eventually.

3/27/12

Last I looked at clock was 1230am. Alarm went off at 6. Felt like I just took a nap! Tossed n turned forever. Thought about little JuJu n how fun hes going to be. We decided that if/when Angela comes to the bay that June would be a good time. Rest a bit, heal a bit, then he n I will heal some more. Can't sleep on my belly on my right side anymore since I can feel it crushing my left lumpy poo. It's annoying me now that I felt it more. Gotta catch train n get my venti

SURGERY DATE!!!!

what a wild and wacky Monday. I have my breast mri appointment for 4/9 at UCSF and surgery is scheduled for 4/17 at Kaiser in Hayward. i'm glad we are getting things rolling, finally but now it's more real than ever. I'm getting a quote from Merry Maids this Friday to get some help on that home front.
I am trying to keep a smile on my face but knowing that there's a problem, and getting to erradicate the problem quickly is part of this FREAKIN FIGHT!

3/23/12

Well I rush home to check the mail for forms of approval so I can schedule MRI, nada. Have they heard of email or faxing? Go green people. Had a major headache tonight in my right temple. Took 500 mg Tylenol n felt a bit better.
Jenn called me earlier and said she's ready to jump on a plane to Cali to work from my house for a week to help me and daniel out. Can't wait to see her. What a generous offer from a co-worker in Jersey. What a great company I work for that has leadership supporting a flex work schedule. I'm Hoping to schedule this stuff ASAP so I can get this shit out of me and I can move on with my life. Amen and pass the chocolate.

3/22/12

Had a good Wednesday. Had a few moments with the tender left one. Put away the laundry, wiped my tears then grabbed a black n pink scarf and made a tube top out of it. Not very flattering but daniel n I felt a photo op was in order. Cheered me up.
Today was a good day too but seems like I dont get enough sleep! Even before lunch/jamba juice I was dragging. Forced myself to go out n walk n shop anyways. I jam home, eager to check the mail for the approval letter from UCSF medical. Venetian in Vegas wants me. Verizon wants to give me a free phone. Ugh no letter yet. It should've made it in the mail and been here by now!!!
I'm eager to ensure this crap hasn't spread. Ready for a nap. Wish my office had a couch.

Breast MRI approved for ucsf

Yay paperwork is coming for me to fill out then schedule breast MRI at ucsf. Eager to get results to ensure it hasn't spread. Scary stuff. Pass the chocolates!!!

3/21/12

I can honestly say that while typing up my blog last night, I sooo wanted a cigarette but I grabbed a piece of chocolate instead. No excuse but one thing at a time. I didn't go to bed until around 1am but woke up at 6am pretty amped about the day. I realize that stress is making my boob hurt. It feels like tingling and pinching in my nipple. I just want to hold it and say, it's gonna be ok but doing that makes it hurt more for longer. I emailed my surgeon to ask WTF. In the meantime, Tylenol and I are going to get along just fine. Had some greasy Crackdonald's this morning as my comfort. I press my iPhone for any updated email from my surgeon for my breast MRI appointment at UCSF. Now on with my day.